Recently, I’ve had several women ask me about the Rori’s “soft on the outside, strong on the inside” line that she often uses. I am familiar with the phrase, since her programs were part of the many dozens I researched and studied in my initial training years ago, and now in the fullness of time, and having since put together the principles of what I would call “a true Siren”, let me explain why I believe this idea to be complete nonsense.First of all, you don’t have to be “soft” anywhere. Not inside, not outside, not in the middle this verbal gimmick doesn’t even make sense.

• Rori Raye Reconnect Your Relationship
• Rori Raye Scam

What inside and outside are we talking about? Your internal organs? Do you have an inside and outside of your mind? And inside and outside to your psychology? Is it really referring to being two-faced with the guy? Are you supposed to appear to be one way for the man (soft and weak?), but secretly, “on the inside” be something else (strong)? Soul music for.

And how long is that strategy supposed to last exactly? Is this a game you play forever?When the phrase is explained in the program, there really is no applicable “inside” or “outside” to it at all. It’s just a gimmicky shorthand for her idea that women should behave very passively and constantly share their feelings with men (soft), and if anything happens that is abusive or inappropriate, the woman should leave his presence (strong).

But only after softly and sweetly telling the abuser her feelings about being abused something like “When you scream at me that I’m a f.ing c.t in front of our four year old daughter, it feels bad.”Seriously, this specific example was given of a man screaming abusive obscenities at his wife when he came home from work. A clear, and disturbing domestic-violence situation – and this is the response recommended by the so-called relationship expert. The victim is supposed to make this declaration of her feelings in a calm, soft, sweet tone of voice before removing herself from the abuser, to preserve her “soft/strong” status. We can only wonder at the tragic effect this would leave on the young daughter, who would be condemned to watch her mother suffer such treatment. Being “strong” is not just leaving the room when a man disrespects you on that level it’s leaving the relationship.I still remember this particularly shocking example from the program, as well as Rori’s major focus on “healing” abusers and “transforming toxic relationships”, and it’s why I could no longer stomach the material.

As I listened to a CD of one of her workshops, it seemed like a lot of women with low self-esteem trapped in bad situations with abusive men, desperate to find some magic cure for their tragic situation because they were too scared to leave – and instead of getting the psychological help they needed to heal their self-esteem so they could protect themselves from dangerous men and move on, they were paying for a workshop where they were (subtly) told, that the abuse was their fault. That if only they would be softer, more feminine, less demanding, less argumentative, more appreciative, more passive they could “transform” their abuser.Unfortunately, whether you are dealing with a violent husband, or a wishy-washy boyfriend, the result of being passive, emotional, and “soft” is never what you want it to be. Whatever you are doing to appear “soft”, and however you define that, doesn’t really matter. The fact that you are doing something on purpose, which is not natural to you, is already destructive and corrosive to your natural power and confidence. That is the first key point. When a woman tries to “be soft on the outside” because someone selling relationship-advice-tapes told her it was a good idea, the real message her subconscious will internalize is, “ I am not good enough as I am. I am not ‘soft’ enough.

I am not ‘feminine’ enough. Men don’t want me the way I am. Men want a ‘softer’, more ‘feminine’ woman, and that is why I’m failing with men.”These are all destructive lies.And those destructive lies then become the operating belief system for that woman when she interacts with men.

The more she consciously thinks “I need to be more soft” -outside, inside, whatever – the more she has to think about being something-other-than-she-is, the more she will be reminded that simply by trying to change her behavior in this ridiculous way, she is “ not enough” and “ men don’t want her as she is.”Nothing good can come from a belief system based on destructive lies. Attempting to change yourself is destructive to all the beauty and power and charisma you naturally have within, buried under layers of insecurities, doubts and fears. Your Siren-self is something intrinsic and deep within that you uncover not something false that you create.The second, though far less important point about why “soft on the outside” completely fails as a dating or relationship strategy, is because quality masculine men will not find soft, submissive, passive, wall-flower women attractive in the least. This is a pervasive myth that just won’t seem to die, regardless of all the evidence to the contrary. Healthy masculine men want a woman they can go toe-to-toe with, a woman who challenges and stimulates them, not someone they’re scared will break in half if they touch her with passion, or who might burst into tears any moment because she’s constantly “having feelings” about absolutely everything.

Rori Raye Reconnect Your Relationship

(On that note – Rori recommends showing your “feminine softness” by speaking in “feeling messages” about literally anything and everything in front of you: how cool and smooth the water feels going down your throat, how solid and sure the table top feels beneath your arm, how warm and soothing the cup of hot tea feels in your hands without any context, rhyme or reason, this is her advice for how women can “emotionally connect” to a man on their first date. I’m going to guess it’s yet to “work” for anyone, though I bet many women have tried, and left the men wondering why their date is completely insane)Lastly, “strong on the inside” is not the definition of personal strength. When you are a truly strong, confident person, it’s obvious. It’s not something that you hide, or tuck away, as if it’s somehow hindering your “soft and feminine” image to the outside world. You are feminine by default having been born a woman, regardless of what you wear, what you do, or how you act. Femininity is your birthright, your nature, your being.

You have your feminine body, and your ability to give life regardless whether you work in construction, in an office building or as a Victoria’s Secret model. Your femininity does not lessen because you have ambition, determination, strength or passion. It is only enhanced.A woman who is truly strong, like a Siren, will never be so hung up and desperate for a man that she will tolerate a toxic, or abusive relationship, and go out of her way attempting to change herself to “fix it.” She doesn’t blame herself for a man’s faults, nor does she see it as her responsibility to transform him or their dynamic.

Rori Raye Scam

She doesn’t attempt to fix what she didn’t break – she simply moves on.A Siren knows she is worth far more than wasting her time with someone who can’t or won’t give her the love she deserves, and is generally surrounded by many suitors and “friends” who would happily court her if she only gave them the opportunity. She isn’t scared or desperate or obsessed with any one guy who hasn’t proven himself worthy of her. She loves herself too much for that. She puts herself first and honors her time and her heart. That is true strength – outside and in. I get so many messages from women worried that they are not “soft” or “feminine” enough, because they have heard or read some bad, disempowering, and frankly sexist dating advice from some so-called relationship guru, women’s magazine or YouTube video. The truth is in relationships, talking makes you weak, while action makes you strong.This is where the double-language of Rori Raye and other gurus have really muddied the waters of what is “masculine” and what is “feminine”, what is “strong” and “empowered” vs what is “male”.

Let me assure you, that a woman can be strong, empowered, action-oriented, and still very much feminine!Rori says something along the lines of all “action” is masculine and all “feeling” is feminine. That a woman should only express her feelings with “feeling messages” to remain in feminine energy with a man, and allow the man to choose what action to take, so that he can be in masculine energy. The trouble is, all human beings are both masculine and feminine, in their thoughts, feelings and actions! And most women would feel powerless and dependent on a man, if all they could do was talk about their feelings and never take any actionsInstead of going crazy trying to figure out whether something is “feminine” or “masculine” and whether you’re “doing it right”, the Siren only needs to think about one very simple thing: does this empower me, or not?Another way of asking this question is, “do I feel powerful and proud of myself when I do this?

Or do I feel weak, ashamed, manipulated, frightened, etc?” Therefore, regardless of what action you choose to take, if it feels good for you to take that action, and you are a woman relating to a man, you are probably in touch with your feminine power!Note: In some cases, a woman who’s been very abused, or has self esteem in the toilet, might actually “feel good” doing something which is disempowering for her. And I’m afraid it takes a lot of self-work and introspection to clear those cobwebs, which is beyond the scope of this post, but important to mention in case this is something you’re struggling with.Posted inTagged,.